If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably had moments where you tried to keep up with the Joneses — only to realize that the chase was exhausting and quietly chipped away at your happiness. That familiar phrase speaks to the pressure we feel to match the lifestyle, possessions, or status of those around us. And in today’s world, with the ever-present pull of social media, it’s easier than ever to fall into that trap. Morgan Housel, in The Psychology of Money, calls this “social comparison” and warns that the ceiling is so high, almost no one ever reaches it. The goalposts keep shifting, and with them, our sense of satisfaction slips further out of reach.

Reflecting on my childhood, I remember moments when I compared what our family had with what our neighbors had. At school, I’d catch myself wondering, Why does that kid have all the cool stuff, but I don’t? These thoughts seemed innocent at the time, but they planted seeds of self-doubt that followed me into early adulthood.

When I started my career, I quickly fell into the habit of comparing myself to my peers. I’d often catch myself wondering: Am I progressing fast enough? Am I keeping pace? Am I earning as much—or more—than the others who graduated with me?

About a year after we moved to the Netherlands, I referred a former colleague—now a great friend—to join the company I was working for at the time. Although we had started our careers at the exact same moment, I was surprised when he was hired as a senior consultant… while I hadn’t yet earned that title, despite having been with the company longer.

I had to check my ego and remind myself: this is one of my closest friends, and I genuinely want good things for him. And hey, at the end of the day, I did end up with a much larger referral bonus—an unexpected but satisfying silver lining 😉

In my experience, comparison is rarely helpful — and often dangerous. It’s easy to fall into the trap of measuring your worth against someone else’s, which only breeds insecurity and self-doubt. But healthy competition is different. My relationship with that same friend is a great example. We share similar backgrounds and have walked parallel paths, each with unique challenges along the way. Over the years, we’ve encouraged each other to reach greater heights — not by trying to outdo one another, but by learning from each other’s strengths, perspectives, and resilience. I’ve never looked at his career and thought, If only I had what he had. Instead, I see a comrade who’s helped me grow relentlessly. That’s the kind of dynamic that fuels progress — not insecurity — and reminds me of the value in surrounding yourself with people who push you to be your best.

Where comparison becomes toxic is when we measure ourselves against people on entirely different paths. Take someone who grew up in a refugee camp, moved across countries, learned a new language, and worked night shifts to pay for school. By the time they graduate and enter the workforce, they’ve already crossed mountains that many of their peers never had to climb.

And yet, they might still feel behind. Why? Because society tends to measure success by the height we reach—not the distance we’ve traveled. Adam Grant addresses this phenomenon in his book Hidden Potential. It’s a reminder that context matters — and that comparison without context is not only unfair, but deeply misleading.

Here are a few lessons that have helped me manage the dangers of comparison – and stay grounded in my own journey:

• Compare yourself to yourself from yesterday

If you can learn to grow beyond who you are today—even just a little—you’ll tap into a deeply rewarding sense of progress and accomplishment. That feeling alone can be enough to keep you going.

I once came across a line in The Courage to Be Disliked that stuck with me: “It is in trying to progress past who one is now that there is value.” It’s a powerful reminder that the real measure of growth isn’t how far ahead you are of others—but how far you’ve come from where you started.

In Hidden Potential, Adam Grant shares a story about his diving instructor, Eric, who had a simple way of reframing bad days. Whenever a student came to him feeling discouraged, he’d ask two questions:

1. Did you make yourself better today?
2. Did you help someone else get better today?

If the answer to either was yes, then it wasn’t a bad day after all.

One technique that can help you appreciate those small, often overlooked gains that accumulate over time is something psychologists call mental time travel. Just ask yourself: If you knew five years ago what you’d accomplish by now, how proud would you have been?

• Forget about others because everyone progresses at a different rate

From experience, I can say this is easier said than done. But the truth is, every set of circumstances is entirely unique. No one else in the world is living the exact same reality I am—not with the same background, pressures, or context. And if that’s true, then comparing myself to others doesn’t really make sense. It’s not a like-for-like comparison.

One reflection that’s always stayed with me comes from Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, who wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning: “No man and no destiny can be compared with any other man or any other destiny. No situation repeats itself, and each situation calls for a different response. Every situation is distinguished by its uniqueness.”

Never forget that human beings are all equal, but not the same.

• Escape the schema of competition, unless it’s healthy competition

Earlier, I shared the story of my former colleague and good friend. It’s no secret that we’ve always had a bit of healthy competition between us—challenging each other to grow, learn, and improve. But I also spoke about the dangers of toxic comparison—especially when it stops fuelling growth and starts feeding insecurity and self-doubt.

In The Courage to Be Disliked, the authors warn that this mindset can “cloud your judgment, and all you can see is imminent victory or defeat.” When you reach that point, it’s no longer about becoming better—it’s about beating someone else, and fearing what it means to fall behind.

But when you step outside the schema of competition, you free yourself from the need to triumph over others. You stop measuring your worth against someone else’s progress. And in doing so, you gain something far more meaningful: the ability to genuinely celebrate other people’s success—just like I did when my friend joined our company.

Later in the book, Kishimi and Koga share a reflection that captures this shift perfectly:

“Life is not a competition. It’s enough to just keep moving in a forward direction, without competing with anyone. And, of course, there is no need to compare oneself with others.”

• Forget about distractions along the way and stay focused on your potential

Did you know the Greek word euthymia describes the sense of following your own path and staying on it—without being distracted by all the others that cross it? It’s no wonder Seneca urged us to reflect on this often.

If you’re anything like me, it’s easy to get sidetracked by what others are doing. We let comparison (see previous point) and noise pull us away from what truly deserves our attention—and that keeps us from becoming who we’re capable of being.

So here’s a tough question: Are you really doing all that you’re capable of? Or are you letting the distractions of everyday life steal time from your one, limited shot on this planet?

Warren Buffett encourages us to measure ourselves against one thing—and one thing only: our potential. It’s about striving toward the absolute best we’re capable of becoming. The truth is, not everyone reaches that version of themselves—and that’s what makes the pursuit so meaningful.

To conclude, I want you to remember one thing: the next time you catch yourself comparing your life to someone else’s—or even fantasizing about what it might be like to trade places—pause and ask yourself, Would I really want everything that comes with it? Because the truth is, you can’t just choose the highlights. You can’t say, “I want their success,” without also accepting their struggles, insecurities, relationships, and internal battles.

Naval Ravikant puts it perfectly: “You have to be that person. Do you want to actually be that person with all of their reactions, their desires, their family, their happiness level, their outlook on life, their self-image?”

It’s a humbling reminder that what we envy in others is often just a highlight reel. So stay focused on your own path, embrace and own your own story, and strive to become the best version of you—not a copy of someone else. There can only be one of you!