7-10 mins

With my 30th birthday now behind me, I am taking time to reflect on my life—particularly the inner circle of close friends I have formed over the past few years. I consider myself incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by men of character and integrity who inspire me to become a better person. However, this wasn’t always the case. In school, I found myself mixed up with the wrong crowd, and I often joke with my wife that had she known me back then, she would never have given me the time of day.

Thankfully, I turned my life around in 2013 after losing my best friend (since childhood days) in a tragic mountaineering accident. That moment forced me to reevaluate everything. If I wanted to honor his life and make him proud, I needed to create meaning in my own life—starting with taking things more seriously. In many ways, I felt “lucky” because I had another shot at life. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was accepted into Stellenbosch University to study Industrial Engineering. That alone was no small feat—most of my school teachers would never have imagined I’d take that path. Four challenging years later, I graduated and began my career in 2018. And believe me when I say, I’ve been hustling ever since.

During my university years, I formed some great friendships—ones I still cherish to this day. Although most of us are now scattered across the world, we still make an effort to stay in touch, and these remain some of my longest-standing friendships. However, it wasn’t until I moved to the Netherlands in 2021 that I truly realized how much an inner circle matters—a group of people I’ve deliberately chosen to keep close, and for good reason (which I’ll get into below).

As expats living abroad, my wife and I spent the first few months settling in and meeting new people. We were lucky enough to connect with several individuals through our local church, through mutual acquaintances, and even within our apartment complex. Some of our good friends also relocated to the Netherlands, making the transition easier. Over time, we learned to distinguish lifelong friendships from seasonal ones, prioritizing relationships that had true depth and meaning.

This distinction has been a key part of my reflection because I firmly believe some friendships are meant to be temporary. Consider the friendships I had in school—over time, we drifted apart, and today, I have no idea where most of those people are. As Tyler Perry wisely puts it, some individuals act like boosters on a rocket. They support you for a time, but once you reach a certain altitude, they fall away. Some people simply aren’t equipped to journey with you through every stage of life.

Recognizing this truth, I decided to intentionally invest in lifelong friendships—connections built on mutual respect, trust, and a shared vision. These are the friends I know would not only eat with me but also starve with me. When life gets tough, they will still sit at my table. And I promise you—not everyone can say that about their friends.

Reflecting on my journey, I sometimes wonder how my life might have turned out had I chosen different friends during school. Warren Buffet once shared that the key to success in life is surrounding yourself with people better than you are. You will inevitably move in the direction of those you associate with, so it’s important to seek friendships that elevate you rather than hold you back. If only I had known this earlier!

Napoleon Hill spent most of his career studying highly successful people, identifying the principles that set them apart. In Think and Grow Rich, he discusses the concept of the Master Mind—a powerful collaboration where people coordinate knowledge and effort in harmony to achieve a shared purpose. He highlights how Henry Ford’s greatest strides came after forming friendships with Thomas Edison, Harvey Firestone, John Burroughs, and Luther Burbank—each a visionary in their own right. History has shown that people adopt the habits, mindsets, and intellectual strength of those they associate with, making it crucial to choose wisely.

Eleanor Roosevelt captured this idea beautifully: “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss people.” If someone audited your conversations with friends, what would this exercise reveal? Do your discussions center around gossip, or do they spark ideas with real potential? Next time you’re with friends, take note of your topics—they reflect more than you think.

Simon Sinek points out that true friendship isn’t just about being there during hardships but also about genuinely celebrating each other’s successes. Many will show up during tough times, but only a select few will celebrate your triumphs without envy or judgment. Jordan Peterson echoes this sentiment: “Be careful who you share good news with. You want to share good news with people who will be genuinely happy for you. That’s how you identify those truly on your side.”

How many friends stand by you through both good and bad times? Many will be supportive when you struggle, but only a few will rejoice in your victories. It’s especially difficult when someone wants what you just received. As the proverb goes, few men can truly love a friend who has become fortunate, without feeling envy.

To illustrate the depth of the friendships within my inner circle, I’d like to share a few personal moments that I will always cherish:

• In 2022, I put myself forward as a speaker at a major conference in Amsterdam. When I told a friend, instead of calling me crazy, he simply said, ‘Go get ’em and show the world who you are.’ His unwavering belief in me was exactly the encouragement I needed.
• Another close friend, who had been striving for the same promotion I received, didn’t let personal ambition overshadow his support. When I shared my success, he was genuinely happy for me—a rare and invaluable kind of friendship.
• With two other friends, our conversations constantly revolve around business opportunities and ideas for building future wealth. 

As I reflect on these experiences, I urge you to seek meaningful relationships—friendships that bring out the best in you. If you want to succeed, surround yourself with a trusted inner circle—people who challenge, inspire, and support you unconditionally. The people you associate with will shape your future—so choose wisely.

I hope this post gave you some valuable insights! If you found it helpful or have any thoughts to share, please leave a comment below and let me know. Your feedback helps me create better content for you. Don’t forget to hit that like button if you enjoyed reading! 🚀